5 Things Our Kids Need To Know About Sex

Robin Growth July 17, 2016pornography, sex

Brock Turner did not change how I talk to my kids about sex.

Kobe Bryant did.

On July 1, 2003, Kobe Bryant had sexual intercourse with a woman he barely knew while staying at the hotel where she worked. She left his room disheveled and in tears, leaving him wearing a shirt marred with her blood.

She filed rape charges and he was arrested.

He appeared to be far more concerned about his reputation, career and marriage than about a woman who felt completely violated by him…

I am using this Sunday morning, to get linked up with the fabulous Kelly over at Mrs. Disciple and her wonderful #FridayFive. This week’s topic is 5 Things I Wish I’d Known…but instead this is 5 things I pray to God we, as a society, will figure out.

BREATHING DOESN’T EQUAL CONSENT

In Bryant’s case the charges were dropped and I am sure he wrote a huge check.

I believe it was inconceivable to Bryant that any woman who kissed him wouldn’t WANT to have sex…they’re breathing, so they must want it.

This is simply untrue. And criminal.

My hubby and I took our teenager to a pepper spray, self defense class. During the class they went over the statistics of sexual assault on college campuses. My daughter and I talked at length about the numbers. I asked her, “Do you believe for every woman who has been raped, there is a boy who feels like he raped her?”

No. She didn’t.

We then talked about boys she knew that she thought might act as though they deserved sex with or without permission. I have to say, she really got it.

Moms of boys: Tell your sons that sex is not random. It is, at its very essence, relational and bonding. Of course I want it to be only for husbands and wives, but outside of that ideal there are still standards.

Just because a girl smiles, doesn’t mean she said yes. A woman who is intoxicated can’t ethically consent. Sex matters. It is time we, as a society, started to act like it.

SAVING SEX FOR MARRIAGE SAVES A LOT OF PAIN

I was once lamenting about a TV show that was so, so good–except I hated how they treated the topic of teenagers having sex. A woman looked at me like I was stupid, “But that is real life…” she said.

I was in a church coffee shop. She was married to the pastor’s kid and very active with teenagers. It didn’t seem to bother her that having sex was “normal” for people whose brains and bodies were nowhere near fully developed.

Hear me on this: Just because a lot of people are doing it, doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t make us weep.

I can tell by the fights a couple has whether or not they are sexually active. I don’t care if they are 14 and in high school or 40 and newly divorced. Why, you ask? Because nothing I have seen brings out the insecurity of a woman like sex outside of marriage.

In the moment it feels like euphoric power…in the morning it feels like vulnerability and inadequacy.

Saving sex for marriage saves you from mountains of pain and heartache.

The Money Flow of the Sex Industry Should Make Us Vomit

Years ago I watched serial killer and rapist Ted Bundy’s final interview with Dr. James Dobson. Bundy emphatically claimed that he became a monster because of his addiction to pornography.

I read somewhere that pornography is a 14 billion dollar a year industry.

I am going to try to break this down as simply and straight forwardly as possible.

Google defines pornography as: printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.
Therefore pornography takes the emotion and human relationship out of sexual interaction.
One study indicated that 49% of prostitutes were forced to participate in filming pornography by their pimps. The films are crafted in a way that makes it look completely consensual when it is really forced, which means that the very act of buying porn often directly funds sex trafficking.
Another study clearly indicates that the vast majority of men who pay for sex are viewers of pornography.
Still one more study claimed that 47% of prostitutes were wounded or harmed by men reenacting sexual acts they had seen in pornography.

I believe that pornography comes first. Purchasing sex is next. Then comes the man, who never thought this would be his life, looking for an underage girl to sleep with. It is a disease that grows…Get rid of the pornography and you stop the number one source of food that is feeding the beast.

Will it fix everything? Of course not.

But search your very own life and do whatever you can to stop investing in the sex market.

50 Shades of Grey, I Am Talking To You

It is not a huge surprise that I was WAY behind the curve on this one.

The first time I was in a group of women talking about the book, the look on my face must have been hilarious. I was baffled.

I have never, ever, not once, heard someone say the book was well written.

Yet the author is the fastest selling writer in human history.

Pardon the language but, what the hell?

Why? What was it? If the lead character drove a rusty pinto station wagon and lived in a mobile home, would so many women have read ALL THREE books? I doubt it. What does it say about connection and intimacy when husbands were buying the books for their wives…

Is this what men really want when they make love?

God help us.

I wondered if I should read them, just to be able to have a conversation with Christian women who were reading them also…but I couldn’t stomach the thought. I would never be able to un-read it and the images would be in my mind forever. If you love Jesus or your sons or daughters, throw your books away and repent before the Lord.

I am not joking.

For the record, if you go to church on Sunday, and have Cards Against Humanity in your game closet…throw that away as well, and repent before the Lord. YOU WILL NEVER BENEFIT FROM FILLING YOUR HEAD WITH FILTH. Ever.

SEX IN MARRIAGE MATTERS

I love what Dr. Phil says: “A good sex life is 10% of a marriage. A bad sex life is 90% of a marriage.”

So true.

Most people need to repent of past sexual actions…do it. Wiping a heart clean is a great start. And telling your spouse it matters to you is also a great thing to do.

Every journey is different, but the reality is that a marriage without a healthy sex life is often a marriage that struggles.

While we talk to our kids about purity, we must also talk about the beauty that is in faith-filled, God created marriage unity. It is worth the wait, and it is worth investing in once the wait is over…

We have lost our minds when it comes to all things sex, and the fallout is brutal on our relationships and our kids…one person at a time, one dollar at a time, perhaps we can make progress.

I Am Not Kidding

Robin Growth, Uncategorized July 9, 2016hope, patriotism, protests

What we need to put into our [kids] minds is often sophisticated, consistently reliable language. What is readily available to us is often unsophisticated, consistently unreliable language.”-Andrew Pudewa

Once again it feels like the nation has exploded.

I hear gut wrenching cries. I watch bullets out of nowhere. I listen to the questions agonizing what do we do?

Today, Kelly over at Mrs. Disciple is discussing books for her Friday Five. Providentially it weaves beautifully into the scenes unfolding around the country and provides an eloquent answer. The way forward is to read.

I am not kidding.

Language is the motor of thinking, which propels behavior, which dictates results. If we want to change the results it is incumbent upon us to change thinking. Arguing and demagoguery rarely (if ever) help. But reading? Reading has the power to change everything.

Here are my five suggested starting points:

THE BOOK OF PROVERBS.

You don’t have to be a Bible believing Christian to have your life enriched by Proverbs. There are many Chinese proverbs and Old English proverbs I glean wisdom from. Likewise, the book in the Bible has benefits for anyone who will listen:

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it springs the well of life.” Proverbs 4:23
“The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with your acquiring, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7

What an easy place to start. Pray for wisdom for every single person, side, perspective, hashtag. If you follow that to the book of James, verse 3:17, hope comes alive: “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.”

Isn’t that something everyone could agree on?

A THOMAS JEFFERSON EDUCATION by OLIVER De MILLE.

Only when teachers realize that the principal cause of learning that occurs in a student is the activity of the student’s own mind do they assume the role of cooperative artists. ” Mortimer J. Adler

I am not a fan of the pubic school system. It is not that I don’t love teachers, I do. I believe the system is based on a flawed philosophy. Because the fundamental beliefs dictate direction, to me it is irrelevant how much money is spent in public schools because the money continues to move things in the wrong direction. I believe public schools are built on a myth:

“The myth is that it is possible for one human being to educate another…The fact is that the only person who can fix education is the student…[because] education occurs when students get excited about learning and apply themselves.” page 12.

Although this is not an emotional book, I cried as I read it. It reframed much of my entire life…why, even though I was above average intelligence, I hated school and nearly flunked out. Why, even though I love God’s word, I struggled for years to get along and engage in Bible Studies. It boiled down to this:

People were trying to teach me what to think, and I was desperate to learn how to think.

According to DeMille, a primary goal of teaching students how to think is “to perpetuate freedom, to prepare people who know what freedom is, what is required to maintain it, and who exert the will to do what is required,” page 23.

I want to be that kind of a person. I want it for my kids and as many people in this country who also want it. To bring that in context of this week, there is no freedom if the people enforcing the laws are not trustworthy. Likewise, respecting the rule of law is also demanded for freedom to reign. You cannot have one without the other.

THE READ ALOUD HANDBOOK by JIM TRELEASE.

Next to having a healthy, godly marriage, the very best thing we can do for our kids is read to them.

Study after study shows one consistent fact: “No reading outside school, low scores inside school,” page 5.

I believe this emphatically. The way to get kids learning and growing is to gather them around adults with books and to read to them.

I began with my kids as newborns. When my middle was 4 months old our pediatrician was part of a program to encourage literacy in families. He would give away books at well-baby visits. When we were finished with our check up, he grabbed a book and began his spiel about exposure to books.

Reagan lunged forward, grabbed the book out of his hand, opened it and started babbling as she “read” it. He laughed out loud and said, “I guess she knows what a book is.”

I believe teaching and encouraging parents to read good, quality books to their kids would, over time, help to fix many of the struggles in this nation. Some of the benefits to children include:

Increasing vocabulary
Encouraging growing attention spans
Giving a context for history and beauty

Reading Les Miserables, all 1300 pages of it, certainly would have a more positive effect than listening to rap music that says, “F#@!**^ the police” over and over and over again.

THE CLASSICS

These are my current obsession:

Barnes & Noble has a beautiful, incredibly affordable collection of kids versions of classic books. I read them to my little peanut.

I cry EVERY TIME Gilbert Blythe gives up his teaching job for Anne Shirley, or when Jo comes home and has sold her hair to send money for her father. As Ryan grows, I want to start reading some of the abridged versions to her, finally reading the full length stories.

The classics pour into our hearts themes of family and loyalty. The villains show us how not to be while the heroes model endurance and faith. Studying character traits in third party examples helps to form our own character. We need to be pouring into the character of our nation…beginning with the leaders.

THE DOCUMENTS AND LETTERS OF OUR FOUNDING FATHERS.

Recently our teenager was doing a history report and needed original sources for the bibliography. She was getting frustrated because online sources were frowned upon and difficult to site. I started laughing and walked her over to a bookshelf.

“What do you need, kiddo? Here you are.”

Common Sense by Thomas Paine? We’ve got you covered. Looking for the Declaration of Independence? We have several to choose from.

Members of the House of Representatives and Senate should have to read, out loud, the Declaration of Independence and Constitution once a month for 5 years straight… just to give a little perspective.

Rights are for all people, not some people. Let’s infuse our minds with the truths that set us free from tyranny so many years ago. It may be the only way to prevent tyranny in the years to come.

Yes, I know it may seem simplistic but no, I am not kidding when I say that reading may be the very best chance this nation’s future has.

I Need A Drink

Robin Uncategorized July 7, 2016Salt

I love Lays potato chips. The gentle crisp and the salt on my lips evoke satisfaction in my world.

Chips are a treat. They are often partnered with friends and other delicious foods. They come with good times.

They also must come with good drinks.

The commercials were made about me; I cannot eat just one. And as much as I love the salty satisfaction, chips bring their own kind of thirst. Too much of the seasoning and I am parched.

Which is why I struggle to have a social life.

I am a potato chip.

Too much of me and people need a drink.

I think I have BACD… Biblical Application Confusion Disorder. It’s a thing, I’m sure.

I want to be salt & light. (Matthew 5:13-16)

I also believe man reaps what he sows. (Galatians 6:7)

What happens when I sow seeds of sodium?

My life is an ongoing battle. One moment I know and believe God created me and loves me filled with fiery passion. Then I swing wildly to deep convictions, mixed with condemnation, and desires to change and be sanctified by Him. Or to be liked–I can’t really tell.

I want to be a cheerleader, rooting people on in victory. I also believe the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) which means I CAN NOT cheer on everything.

If someone I love is drinking poison, I am just not the gal to say, “Gee, that tastes good doesn’t it?” No. Spitting it out and throwing away the glass is the only rational choice.

That is not the best kind of cocktail party small talk.

I have this really, really watered down prosperity gospel-ish thinking sometimes. I want to believe that if I answer God’s callings and do what He tells me to do faithfully and with as much excellence as I can, life will be rosy.

Everyone will like me.

I will be invited to everything.

But that is not real life.

In 1 Kings 22, doing things God’s way didn’t work out well, according to the world’s standards, for Micaiah son of Imlah. Nope. He ended up in prison.

I have my already purchased, advanced copy of Lysa Terkeurst’s new book Uninvited highlighted in my head, because life doesn’t always turn out the way I want it to. As soon as it arrives, I am sure I will DEVOUR it.

I want to be salt, without being too-salty. How can I season without ruining the flavors of that which I am seasoning?

These are the things I ask the Lord in the still, small, sleepless hours of the night. I am searching for HIS hand to guide me, confident that is the only way to get the real answers I need. I want to be me, red-hot for God’s word and aflame for a life of sincerity, with out having people walk away from me taking a deep breath and saying, “I need a drink.”

It won’t be an easy journey, I fear…but with God, ALL things are possible.

I am linking up with Suzanne Eller today chatting about all things salty…

In Life, The Choice Is Often Either/Or

Robin Grace, Growth, Special Needs Families July 3, 2016election

I am linking up today with the wonderful Kelly at Mrs. Disciple for her FRIDAY FIVE. This week’s topic is leadership.

In the Academy Award Winning film, Braveheart, there is a scene where the Scottish Rebels are lined up on one side of a field, and the British nobles and their soldiers are lined up on the other side of the field waiting for the impending battle. William Wallace (Braveheart) comes riding up in full battle attire and paint. As he gets ready to ride across the field to talk to the British, one of his men asks him, “What are you doing?”

Wallace, in a thick Scottish accent says, “I am going to pick a fight.”

Photo from Hollywoodreporter.com

This election season.

It’s hard to even come up with a complete sentence without sighing and shaking my head, but I fully realize to many these words are picking a fight.

Keep in mind that I have a daughter named Reagan and a MacArthur Study Bible, so stereotyping me is not a huge challenge. I am incredibly comfortable in heated discussions smiling and saying, “Well…you know that I am a right-wing, religious nut.”

I am not actually a nut, but I believe most of the things that the other side associates with the far right. I am not at all ashamed of my beliefs because I am also committed to a life that is filled with grace and service, and spend infinitely more time working the many, many logs in my own eye than searching for other people’s specks.

MY GUY was the first one out of the race. Long before I knew Scott Walker had suspended his campaign, I was getting text messages and Facebook posts asking me who I was for in light of the new facts. RARELY, do people not know where I stand. (Walker/Gowdy 2016 would have been so, so good.) My next choice hung in there for a while, but then also stepped down.

Who is left was my last choice going in, but I am a pragmatist and I am keenly aware that life is often comprised of either/or choices.

I am an ABC gal. Anybody But Clinton. I also concede that is a weak position to take and a sad reason to vote for the leader of the free world. As time has gone on and I have re-examined what I believe and why, I am moving from ambivalence to believing that Trump could be the one for this moment in history. (Look up Ulysses S. Grant’s presidency and see if you find similarities economically.) I will share with you five reasons why.

The Hope Of Getting Rid Of Monopoly Money.

That is what we call it in our home.

Congress and the Executive Branch so easily spend money that is not theirs, it might as well come from a boxed game you buy at Target.

When the current president took office, the national debt stood at 10.6 trillion dollars. With the last budget signed, he will leave with 20 trillion dollars worth of national debt. That number is staggering and, frankly, disgusting. There is no rational reason to believe the trend won’t continue with Hillary Clinton as president.

Over in the Trump camp, however, they seem to see the potential and power of a dollar much differently. As the media and pundits on both sides say Trump’s chances are slim because he has 1.2 million in his coffers compared to Hillary’s 42 million, you can almost hear Trump and his people laughing in disbelief as they respond: “‘Donald has proven before that he doesn’t need as much money as the other candidates.'”

This graph from NHPR.org is quite telling:

Seriously, do you see that tiny little Trump slice? If that kind of efficiency were brought to the Federal Government, I would celebrate!

Obamacare.

I hate it.

I have a daughter with special needs and a mother in law with severe dementia and neither of them have anywhere near the quality insurance coverage or medical care they had before Congress “passed the bill in order to see what was in the bill.”

My daughter has specialists who no longer take insurance because of Obamacare.

We pay a doctor, I would never actually choose if I had other options, $2500 a year just to consider my mother in law a patient. He then bills for all appointments. Why? Obamacare.

Proponents of the monstrosity acknowledge that while my family has been pummeled by the plan, the greater good has been served. I neither agree with that, nor do I actually care.

I want my daughter and my husband’s mother to have good medical care more than I want the greater good ESPECIALLY since we were willing to work hard to provide it. Those who call me selfish for such thoughts make no difference to me.

Trump is the only hope I have for eliminating Obamacare.

The Way Things Are MUST Change.

The Democrats are against him. The media is against him. Many in the Republican establishment are against him.

That’s good enough for me.

We are numb to the ineptness that rules this country.

There was no budget passed by our leaders for six straight years, including years when the same party controlled both houses of Congress and the White House.

America’s credit rating was downgraded under this administration. How much more in interest do the American people pay as a result?

I find this all to be untenable. If Trump is a disaster and what is crumbles, okay. If Trump brings a tenacious business mind set to these issues and fixes them, okay! It is difficult to believe that an entrepreneur with phenomenal success in many areas would not desire to also see the country turn a profit under his leadership. He might begin with the basics of making a budget and increasing the credit rating.

I Don’t Think A Wall is Racist.

I am from California. I’ve spent most of my employed hours working in the restaurant business.

My husband works in the housing industry. We both have extensive experience with hard working, family-loving immigrants who also believe that illegal immigration must be dealt with.

Some sort of a border deterrent (like a wall) has been mentioned for years by people from both parties. I think there are sound bites available from both Clintons talking about such things.

Trump is just the first to suggest that Mexico pay for it.

I don’t think putting a fence around my yard means that I’m inhospitable, and I don’t think that putting up a barrier to make it more difficult to enter the country illegally is racist. And I absolutely believe that something has to be done about illegal immigration.

We Need To Start Understanding Facts.

Trump is not the one I would have suggested for such an endeavor. However, he tells it like it is and it is resonating with people.

If those people get educated and start asking questions and examining information, there could be real hope. We need to encourage thinking citizens.

The Obama administration claims to have fixed the economy, but how is that possible with national debt doubling? Can you fix your family’s finances by putting everything on a credit card? Why should a nation be any different?

The following numbers are all taken from Factcheck.org.

The Republican party is presented to the world as the party for big business, while the Democrats are supposedly for the middle class. Is that how you understand it?

Compare that paradigm (of Democrats for the middle class and Republicans for the rich) to this: Under this administration, corporate profits are up 166% while real weekly earnings are up 3.4%. Which represents the middle class?

Homicides are down 13% while gun sales are up over 55%. Ownership of firearms is up AND violent crime is down, which party’s belief system lines up with those numbers?

Unemployment is supposedly down by over 600,000 people, while food stamp recipients are up by 42%. Does that seem odd?

If you keep in mind that unemployment reflects the number of people looking for a job, rather than the number of people who are not working, do those two statistics make more sense? (Stop looking for work and just get government aid…)

Trump, if nothing else, knocked a political system out of complacency. Jeb Bush spent $100,000,000 on his failed campaign. I am so, so glad that did not work because we have been bought and paid for, for far too long.

For a while the either/or of candidates this year felt like choosing between Sodom and Gomorrah, but now I believe we are already in Sodom and Gomorrah and the real calling is to run away and not look back.