The end of 2019 came in like a wave. Rushing and thrashing, it took my family to new places. Places we didn’t want to be but knew we could not avoid.
A New Year always brings me hope. The opportunities to look fresh and start anew are treasured. Loading up things to take to the Goodwill, extra bags of trash by the can, and the scent of cleaners illustrate my nearly desperate need for a more manageable life.
I am always striving to “get organized.”
One thing I have changed this year is to write my calendar items in pencil.
There, quite simply, is always the possibility of a crisis around the corner. My mom has a terrible disease. My Dad falls like it is his job.
We have caregivers, but that is its own tricky situation. There is a constant balance of living with purpose and throwing plans away to best deal with a situation at hand.
Just the other day I was taking my precious little peanut (who is no longer little) to an appointment that had the possibility of helping me pursue several therapies for her that I am excited about. While I was driving I got a text from my mom that my Dad had fallen.
The caregiver left to get lunch and he was on the floor, unable to get up.
As always, the first call was to my hubby. He was on his way out to the airport. He was willing to turn around, but our son was closer, so I called him and he was off to the rescue.
When my husband called a few minutes later, he was a bit surprised that I wasn’t on my way to my parents’ house. “I need to do this for Ryan. I have to feel like I am moving toward a better life with her, and this could be a big part of that.”
The brutal truth was this:
- I could not get my Dad off the floor.
- My son could, and he was on his way.
My father means the world to me, but there was no real benefit to sacrificing the opportunity to move the ball forward for my daughter at that moment. So I didn’t.
Each moment presents choices. I want to choose to invest in the wisest way available, in the priorities the Lord has put before me. Every day is an investment. The results are the Lord’s. The decision to invest obediently is mine.
I am empowered by those truths.
I love my family. I want to do this life well. I want a watching world to see God in a real and powerful way flowing through the pulse of my life. That will be the most effective if HE is pulsing through the flow of my days.
And my choices.
And my priorities.