Brock Turner did not change how I talk to my kids about sex.
Kobe Bryant did.
On July 1, 2003, Kobe Bryant had sexual intercourse with a woman he barely knew while staying at the hotel where she worked. She left his room disheveled and in tears, leaving him wearing a shirt marred with her blood.
She filed rape charges and he was arrested.
He appeared to be far more concerned about his reputation, career and marriage than about a woman who felt completely violated by him…
I am using this Sunday morning, to get linked up with the fabulous Kelly over at Mrs. Disciple and her wonderful #FridayFive. This week’s topic is 5 Things I Wish I’d Known…but instead this is 5 things I pray to God we, as a society, will figure out.
BREATHING DOESN’T EQUAL CONSENT
In Bryant’s case the charges were dropped and I am sure he wrote a huge check.
I believe it was inconceivable to Bryant that any woman who kissed him wouldn’t WANT to have sex…they’re breathing, so they must want it.
This is simply untrue. And criminal.
My hubby and I took our teenager to a pepper spray, self defense class. During the class they went over the statistics of sexual assault on college campuses. My daughter and I talked at length about the numbers. I asked her, “Do you believe for every woman who has been raped, there is a boy who feels like he raped her?”
No. She didn’t.
We then talked about boys she knew that she thought might act as though they deserved sex with or without permission. I have to say, she really got it.
Moms of boys: Tell your sons that sex is not random. It is, at its very essence, relational and bonding. Of course I want it to be only for husbands and wives, but outside of that ideal there are still standards.
Just because a girl smiles, doesn’t mean she said yes. A woman who is intoxicated can’t ethically consent. Sex matters. It is time we, as a society, started to act like it.
SAVING SEX FOR MARRIAGE SAVES A LOT OF PAIN
I was once lamenting about a TV show that was so, so good–except I hated how they treated the topic of teenagers having sex. A woman looked at me like I was stupid, “But that is real life…” she said.
I was in a church coffee shop. She was married to the pastor’s kid and very active with teenagers. It didn’t seem to bother her that having sex was “normal” for people whose brains and bodies were nowhere near fully developed.
Hear me on this: Just because a lot of people are doing it, doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t make us weep.
I can tell by the fights a couple has whether or not they are sexually active. I don’t care if they are 14 and in high school or 40 and newly divorced. Why, you ask? Because nothing I have seen brings out the insecurity of a woman like sex outside of marriage.
In the moment it feels like euphoric power…in the morning it feels like vulnerability and inadequacy.
Saving sex for marriage saves you from mountains of pain and heartache.
The Money Flow of the Sex Industry Should Make Us Vomit
Years ago I watched serial killer and rapist Ted Bundy’s final interview with Dr. James Dobson. Bundy emphatically claimed that he became a monster because of his addiction to pornography.
I read somewhere that pornography is a 14 billion dollar a year industry.
I am going to try to break this down as simply and straight forwardly as possible.
- Google defines pornography as: printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.
- Therefore pornography takes the emotion and human relationship out of sexual interaction.
- One study indicated that 49% of prostitutes were forced to participate in filming pornography by their pimps. The films are crafted in a way that makes it look completely consensual when it is really forced, which means that the very act of buying porn often directly funds sex trafficking.
- Another study clearly indicates that the vast majority of men who pay for sex are viewers of pornography.
- Still one more study claimed that 47% of prostitutes were wounded or harmed by men reenacting sexual acts they had seen in pornography.
I believe that pornography comes first. Purchasing sex is next. Then comes the man, who never thought this would be his life, looking for an underage girl to sleep with. It is a disease that grows…Get rid of the pornography and you stop the number one source of food that is feeding the beast.
Will it fix everything? Of course not.
But search your very own life and do whatever you can to stop investing in the sex market.
50 Shades of Grey, I Am Talking To You
It is not a huge surprise that I was WAY behind the curve on this one.
The first time I was in a group of women talking about the book, the look on my face must have been hilarious. I was baffled.
I have never, ever, not once, heard someone say the book was well written.
Yet the author is the fastest selling writer in human history.
Pardon the language but, what the hell?
Why? What was it? If the lead character drove a rusty pinto station wagon and lived in a mobile home, would so many women have read ALL THREE books? I doubt it. What does it say about connection and intimacy when husbands were buying the books for their wives…
Is this what men really want when they make love?
God help us.
I wondered if I should read them, just to be able to have a conversation with Christian women who were reading them also…but I couldn’t stomach the thought. I would never be able to un-read it and the images would be in my mind forever. If you love Jesus or your sons or daughters, throw your books away and repent before the Lord.
I am not joking.
For the record, if you go to church on Sunday, and have Cards Against Humanity in your game closet…throw that away as well, and repent before the Lord. YOU WILL NEVER BENEFIT FROM FILLING YOUR HEAD WITH FILTH. Ever.
SEX IN MARRIAGE MATTERS
I love what Dr. Phil says: “A good sex life is 10% of a marriage. A bad sex life is 90% of a marriage.”
Most people need to repent of past sexual actions…do it. Wiping a heart clean is a great start. And telling your spouse it matters to you is also a great thing to do.
Every journey is different, but the reality is that a marriage without a healthy sex life is often a marriage that struggles.
While we talk to our kids about purity, we must also talk about the beauty that is in faith-filled, God created marriage unity. It is worth the wait, and it is worth investing in once the wait is over…
We have lost our minds when it comes to all things sex, and the fallout is brutal on our relationships and our kids…one person at a time, one dollar at a time, perhaps we can make progress.