Again, I say, that Kelly from Mrs. Disciple. She hosts a FRIDAY FIVE link up for blogging friends, and her encouragement just keeps us coming back. Her diligence is admired tremendously by this California girl. I wish we lived closer, so she and I could have coffee and chat about all things Bible and Family.
Today her topic is Five Boundaries…so here I go…
I am going to steal from Andy Stanley.
A little while back I facilitated a weekly Bible Study at church. We did one class I called Change Your Mind, Change Your Life. I encouraged the women to read Bob Goff’s book Love Does. (Anytime a woman would walk in shaking her head and laughing I would say, “Chapter 4?”) We also did three Andy Stanley DVD series, Your Move, Take Responsibility for Yourself; Because No One Else Will, and Guardrails.
In my mind, boundaries are the very farthest you can go, and stay safe. Guardrails are built THIS SIDE of the danger zone…guardrails leave room between where you hit them and where you would get really, really hurt.
I want GUARDRAILS in my life. I want to feel the tension and discomfort that comes from rubbing against the edges BEFORE I am in the disaster area.
Man oh man, it made perfect sense to me.
1.) Plan my calendar according to my priorities. I have read a bazillion books about this. I have listened to tapes watched seminars, and failed over and over again.
Then I gave birth to a child with Special Needs.
She can’t rush. If she needs medicine, I can’t forget or flash by because I am too busy. Her learning takes 10,000 more repeats that my other kids. If I want her to learn to write her name, I must help her write it thousands of times.
The only way to allow her the room to do that is to radically prioritize time.
I am rubbing the guardrail on this now…but the guardrail is here.
2.) I do the Christian basics. I am the poster child for the hypocrite in church.
That’s just the truth.
I pour over the Bible, study with friends, serve in ministry projects, rarely ever miss church, but I have this string of relationships that have crumbled.
People often say, “Well, you know how SHE is…” and the others in the conversation know exactly what they are talking about.
This unfortunate reality of my life would send me off of the cliff except for one thing: MY GUARDRAIL.
Here’s the gig: Because I go to church, listen to Christian music and go to Bible Study, I believe God is working in me. I am not obligated to repeat the mistakes of my past, AND I am not obligated to conform my behavior to other people’s preferences.
Sometimes I offend people because of following Jesus. (I am not going to play that game, or watch that show…) That is a bummer, but it is easy. My guardrail means I have already made that decision.
Other times I flub up a thing so terribly that I can’t even seem to apologize right.
But God just keeps working in me; showing me this or that passage in the Bible, giving me this new Bible Study to learn a new way, showing me the character I lack in others who do it well.
3.) I evaluate the journey. After every Brighten A Corner project we evaluate thoroughly what happened. The good and the bad are all fair game.
The Leadership Team does not always agree on what is good and what is bad. Years and years of doing this has helped me be FAR LESS THIN SKINNED than I once was. At this point in my life I am much more interested in not repeating mistakes than I am looking good.
My hubby and I sit and write out the pros and cons of holidays, events, school things. We take a hard look and search for new ways for him to do things. (Still a little thin-skinned when I evaluate with my hubby…go figure.)
A ministry I am drawn to, Preemptive Love, puts out a FAILURE REPORT each year. Desiring complete transparency there is open conversation about what went wrong. Why? So you feel sorry for them? NO. Because facing and evaluating failures is one of the most effective tools for moving forward.
4.) I read a lot. Strange guardrail, I know. But a lifetime of learning is important to me.
Mostly I want it for my kids.
But that is unlikely if I don’t do it myself.
Recently I took every single book we owned off the shelves, and grouped them in categories. This is one table out of 5.
I gave away bags and bags of books, and grouped the rest of them together.
Classics here. Kids books there. John MacArthur on this shelf. (Yes, he got his own shelf…) Christian books together, success principle books gathered, novels all in one area. Let’s do this life well, and read…a lot.
5.) I laugh. I love to laugh. I laugh at myself. I laugh at funny people and funny things and funny memories.
My friends will tell you that I crack me up. Seriously, sometimes I can’t even control it.
I am so naughty.
Laughing is just a good idea. It is a wise way to get through life.
This past spring my dad had heart surgery. The first 24 hours after were awful. He was in agonizing pain, and an air bubble had gone into his brain so that he was considerably weaker on one side and could not really talk. (The bubble dissolved and all was well.)
But during those 24 hours, my mom and I found a way to laugh. We howled at private jokes. That laughter released chemicals in our bodies that helped us survive a very difficult time. I would make my mom guffaw with proof of my shady character and the claim that I am “going to hell for sure.”
Now…we know about being saved by grace and there was NOTHING real in it; but it was the perfect tool to lighten things for my mom. Laughter spared her from having to face hard things completely in the dark.
Because laughter is a guardrail, I give myself room not to be stodgy, when fresh air would help.
Guardrails make room for joy.
It is counterintuitive, because we buy the lie of freedom…that being able to do whatever we want whenever we want will make us happy.
But that is not true. And happiness is a pathetic substitution for joy. So I will keep my guardrails; and I will tend them so they remain effective. And I will be grateful for them.