Exposed

I was caught unaware.

Scrolling through my social media feed, mindlessly, lazily filling my afternoon with unproductivity, and there it was. A beautiful picture of someone who I will always be connected to.  There came a catch in my throat.

The words were loving and seemed so sincere, and my inner conversation began, “Why am I not good enough for this? Why are there no words like this for me?”

Relationships, and people, are so messy.

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And the extended version of the winsome photograph I found myself staring at is the most disheveled human connection in my world. Sometimes family feels like it is on life support.

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In the swirling, I realize that I am feeling a wee bit vulnerable right this moment. My beloved Tuesday Night Bible Study needed to come to a close; my precious little ministry is flailing trying to plan for the next project; and unexpectedly I find myself discouraged.

I didn’t see it coming.

Mostly things are really good.

And my hubby and I are thinking through other things to make them better. There is no crisis. There is no overarching angst. But…every once in while…when I am looking in another direction…I suddenly feel exposed and at risk.

Here’s the truth I must face: Life is imperfect. Am I brave enough to accept that with grace?

The wacky thing is God is moving in my life. He has lovingly connected me with new friends, most of whom are writers, and I feel the itching to grow and learn in the very best of ways. I can sincerely cheer them on, applauding great work in the form of poignant words, embracing stories. It is lovely.

I am tackling a large project that has been laid on my heart. It is one that will hopefully bring women into deeper connection to God and stronger faith. I will find solutions for the ministry project and will be involved in a different Bible Study this fall. It will all be okay.

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Except for the situation in that photo staring at me from the computer screen. For that I have no answers. And although it doesn’t impact the totality of life, or daily happiness, there are moments–like this one–that leave me feeling hauntingly sad and exposed.

4 thoughts on “Exposed

  • July 15, 2015 at 5:59 pm
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    Great post. I’m writing about this tomorrow in terms of the truth the we don’t need to be/can’t be perfect. I’ll be linking your post. Thank you for sharing your honest heart!

    Reply
  • July 15, 2015 at 9:34 pm
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    Thank you for the raw emotion here. Your honesty helps me identify those areas that leave me feeling exposed. I tend to cover them up with busy. But when the parade is over, I see the Emporer has no clothes–exposed.

    Reply
  • Pingback: Thursday’s Truth – I Am Not Perfect | Empty Plate . Full Heart

  • July 17, 2015 at 2:40 am
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    I appreciate your writing, Robin! I understand that feeling of vulnerability and it can be so scary. Thank you for leaning into the things you care about and pressing on. Nice job.

    Reply

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